yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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