Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
