I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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