youre lurking in front of me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
