you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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