I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
