you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
