someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
