dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Randomize
