Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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