How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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