Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize