Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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