So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
