you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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