im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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