come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
