How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
