thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
