so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
