So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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