Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
