My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
