I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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