I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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