Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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