I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
