This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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