i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is wine microwaveable?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
