thus making me awesome and them whores
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
