So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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