I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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