I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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