Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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