Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
