you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
