Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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