I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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