i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
