It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
