Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
