i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
porn star boner night. come get it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
