Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
