I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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