Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
