she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
