I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize