shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
