too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
