The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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