I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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