If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will be naked everywhere
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
