help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cannot find my penis.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
