apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I just sharted jello shots
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
