can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
