Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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