there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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