she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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