you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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