Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
