You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
