Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
