She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
