The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
