I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
