His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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