Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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