I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
