sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
