Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
