he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
