I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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