I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is Oprah even human
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