she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
