Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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