girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The power of my boobs compel you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
