I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
