Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize