I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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